Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
