After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
