I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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