Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
