By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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