yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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