Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
