i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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