I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
