I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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