maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am spending my child support on dildos
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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