Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
