He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
