so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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