Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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