Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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