What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
