I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
