I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
