have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
