Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
