i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
