I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
