At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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