A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
