I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't deserve a penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
as a side note pls kill me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
