we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
