don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
