another moral hangover. fuck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
