just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
