Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
