Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
