I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
