you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
