So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
