Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
