4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
