I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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