how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
