tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
