are you still at the devil's house?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
