you have to choose: penises or morals?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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