He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
