Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
