I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
