why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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