Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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