God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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