I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize