The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
